Of todgers that squirt and those who bathe in dirt

In my last blog I spoke with good intentions of trying to be a little bit less perfectionistic and a tad more relaxed about things. I was under no illusions: I have had such good intentions innumerable times before and have inevitably slipped back into my old stress-head ways very soon after. I am the one who can’t sit still; the one who rolls up her yoga mat and leaves the hall before the savasana (relaxation) bit starts. I am the one who over-analyses everything and has the ‘not good enough’ record stuck on repeat in her brain. I am the one who never thinks she’s done enough training, who could do more, be more focussed, be more disciplined. I am the one who constantly compares herself to others (race-circuit triathletes who are faster than me; other Mums at the sensory class who breeze in looking effortlessly cool with their babies asleep in their carry-cots, whose babies don't cry, feed calmly then lie down on the floor to play with the toys, while I arrive in a flap, trying to juggle carry-cot containing already whimpering child, changing bag and backpack full of "essentials" and figure out how I'm going to change him, feed him and then keep him upright so he doesn't scream with reflux pain and disrupt the entire class). I am the one who always finds herself lacking. My husband both loves me and despairs of me for it in equal measure. He wishes I could still be the energetic, bubbly Ellie on the outside, but be equally as confident and outgoing on the inside. A life time of ingrained personality traits and behaviours is hard to change overnight though, but it doesn’t mean I can’t give it a damn good try and hopefully feel much happier within myself for doing so.

So, with this goal in mind, I have tried to start by shifting the focus of my athletic performance away from numbers, times, percentages, placings etc to experiences, enjoyment and accomplishment. In my last two races (also my first two races back since giving birth in February) my main aim has been to get round in one piece and enjoy myself in the process. As we are dealing in the realm of ‘feelings’ here, it’s hard to assess whether or not I have met these goals; however, for more tangible proof, I only need to look at the marked reduction in the number of pre-race toilet trips due to performance anxiety and nerves to surmise that I’ve at least in part nailed it!

My first outing was at the Anglesey Trail 10k in Newborough Forest, North Wales, on June 1^st. I entered this race in March after we booked our first family holiday to Snowdonia to visit who I affectionately refer to as my ‘Welsh family’ (Moira and Sarah, with whom I lived in Llanberis when studying for my PhD and working as a French tutor at Bangor University back when I took up running in 2010). In March, June seemed a long way off and so I was confident I would have increased my mileage enough by then to make running a 10k a feasible ask. Yeh. That didn’t happen. What did happen is that I got carried away feeling the amazing effects of breastfeeding extra-oxygenated blood at Seaton parkrun at 5 weeks post-partum and my legs were unable to match my lungs and my troublesome left calf cramped up at 2.4 miles. One minute I was trotting along euphorically as 2^nd lady, thinking ‘well, if I feel this good 5 weeks after giving birth, who knows what’s possible’, the next minute I was hobbling back to the car thinking what an idiot I was. I then couldn’t run for 3 weeks, followed by a very slow walk-jog rehab phase, followed by another slight calf tweak, followed by…. oh shit, the 10k is in two weeks’ time and I have only run two parkruns in preparation. I decided to give it a whirl, take it very conservatively and walk bits of it if I needed to.

Ready for the off. First outing for the AVR vest, as I joined the club a month before getting pregnant!

The gun goes and off I jog at a very comfortable 8m/m. I suddenly find myself right up at the front with about four other men and no women. I check my watch: still 8m/m and feeling easy, so just keep going at this pace. By some miracle, I soon find myself out alone in second place overall with just one guy about 200m up the trails in front of me. The race covers a stunning route, including sand dunes, springy forest tracks and more technical, twisting sections. For June, the weather is abysmal. Cold and wet. I worry about how Matt is coping looking after our 15 week old baby in these grim conditions, with nowhere other than the car for shelter. A good incentive to get back quickly and ensure they are both ok. The last mile is a tough slog into a strong headwind coming in off the sea and through thick, claggy sand. It’s energy sapping and my pace drops off to 8:45m/m, even though it’s relatively flat! The finish line was a welcome sight and the announcer calling me out as first lady and second overall is a welcome sound. Spectators are ringing cowbells and as I turn towards the finish I see there is a winner’s tape being held out for me to break. I am elated. I never expected this. I hoped, at best, to get around in one piece without my calf playing up. I ran relaxed and the win was a bonus but not the goal. The prize haul (see below) was pretty impressive too, even if hanging around for the podium presentations in the pouring rain put my husband into a grumpy mood and delaying my son’s access to boob juice put him into an even grumpier one!

We're off - 10k to go.. more than I've run in total in the previous 2 weeks!

Finish line feels! Taking the tape is always special, but when my husband and 4 month old son are stood by it watching, it's even more so!

Good prizes!

Next up, Killerton Sprint Duathlon. I had a deferred entry for this race as I discovered that I was pregnant 3 days before last year’s event and no way was I going to race bikes whilst carrying such long-awaited, precious cargo. Matt and I met at Killerton, doing the parkrun there, back in 2013. When I left my career in education in 2015, I took a job there as a ‘stop gap’ whilst trying to get pregnant. That took longer than anticipated (4 years longer) and so I am still there, though on maternity leave at the moment. It is a lovely place to work and an even nicer place to compete. The acres of parkland, contouring around a disused volcano, make the terrain challenging and varied. An off-road run and a road bike is my ideal combination for a duathlon and so this 5k – 20k – 3k sprint race ticked all the boxes. Typically our wee man, who is going through the dreaded 4 month sleep regression phase, decided to give us the worst night’s sleep since he was a newborn. Not ideal pre-race preparation, being awoken on the hour, every hour, from 11pm through to 6am, at which point he finally decided he would fall asleep until 7:30am, but I had to get up! Probably not Matt’s preferred way to spend his first father’s day either, being left holding the baby after a sleepless night whilst his nutter of a wife raced around the Devonshire countryside. I expressed a feed for Matt to give him and then I chugged 2 strong cups of coffee to satisfy my liquid needs!

Bit better weather than in North Wales for the Killerton Duathlon!

Last year this event offered both a sprint and a standard distance, but this year they only ran the sprint. This meant that two fields were condensed into one and so the line up was much more competitive. A quick glance at the ladies warming up and I deemed I would be lucky to place top 10. Then I remembered, do it for fun. No pressure. It’s your birthday tomorrow, this is your treat. Enjoy it. Be sensible. No expectations. Que sera sera etc. We’re off across the rutted, cow-pat covered field and my legs are slow to get going. Even when fully fit, I have always been more about endurance than speed, but since pregnancy they just don’t seem interested in anything quicker than 7m/m. Fitness-wise though, I felt very comfortable: all puff, no pace! I was well down the field after the first run – even though I did pick a few people off on my preferred uphill sections – and as there were relay teams in the mix too, it was impossible to gauge what position I was actually in. 

At the end of the first run.

The stunning grounds of Killerton make for a good run course.

Onto the bike and off to Collumpton! Wow! This feels amazing. Zipping along at 27, 28mph feeling easy. 6 miles later, turnaround at the farthest point of the course, realise why it felt so damn amazing: we had a considerable tailwind. So, headwind all the way home and as the field is now strung out, I am all on my own for most of it. I do note, however, a couple of groups engaging in some rather blatant drafting. I always race honest; even if that means a slower split and a solo slog into the wind. Integrity is more important than ill-gotten gains. My pace on the return leg is much slower but the overall 20k bike split comes in at 35:57 for a 20mph average: I’ll take that for my first race back! To be honest, on the start line, I had apprehensions about the bike. I wasn't sure how I would feel racing on open roads now that I have a tiny wee fellow waiting for me at the finish, relying on me to return in one piece. I have observed a marked decline in the attitude of motorists towards cyclists in the 9 months I had off whilst pregnant, and it wasn't in a great place to start with. Luckily this race was early morning on a quiet, open route and so I did not feel threatened. I think my days of racing time trials on the S26/10 course along the A30 dual carriageway towards Honiton may be behind me though!

Bike leg done! 20mph average: I'll take it!

The usual ungraceful mess at the dismount line and I spill into T2, nearly getting cramp trying to put my running shoes back on. Just the second run to go: come on legs, you can do it! But they can’t! At least, they are extremely reluctant to. The distinct lack of brick training makes its ugly presence felt and I lug my thunder thighs around the hilly 3k loop at a rather lacklustre 7:55m/m. But I make it and my strong bike split (2^nd fastest) sees me finish as 3^rd female overall. I tried to steer clear of having any pre-race expectations, but if I did, they were certainly not that! A podium place at my first multi-sport outing just 4 months after giving birth and on barely any run training: a performance to be proud of. A confidence giving performance too and one that has persuaded me to sign up for the GB team qualifying race for the 2020 European sprint duathlon championships. The qualifying event is in Bedford in October: hopefully enough time to get a bit fitter and to get to grips with draft-legal racing as this has subsequently been introduced since I raced for GB at the Euros in Soria in 2017.

Finish funnel thumbs up with buddy Anne watching on!

Back home and I decide to kill two birds with one stone by opting for a bath instead of a shower and having our baby boy join me to save both time and water giving him a separate bath later. As usual, his todger goes off all over me the minute he gets in the water, but I exact my revenge as I realise that my legs were covered in mud and cow muck picked up on the off-road run course around the Killerton grounds. I giggle at how we are both sat there, wallowing in each other's grime and urine, and both grinning away at it, happy as two proverbial pigs in shit! 

The day after the duathlon was my 36^th birthday and I celebrated it by visiting the Life Centre in Plymouth to have a much needed sports massage from my sponsor, Patrick, at PDW Sports. (Not quite a spa day and an aromatherapy massage, but of far more use to me!). Thanks to Patrick for his continuing support in 2019 and also for the parenting advice he simultaneously imparts to me alongside the massage. He is 2 years further down the parental time line with his little boy and so it’s definitely time well spent getting my legs flushed out whilst discussing green poo, the merits of Calpol, sleep deprivation and unruly bath-time todger incidents... amongst other things!