Stuck in an endless winter....

The snow has returned. In vast volumes. It is minus 2 degrees outside. It is blizzarding. Races have been cancelled left, right and centre. It is mid-March. It is *meant* to be spring. For the past four months it feels as though we have been stuck in an endless winter that shows no sign of abating. I hate winter. My last blog entry was so upbeat and positive.... apologies in advance as this one isn't so much....

East Devon in mid-March, not the Artic circle...

Yesterday, Saturday 17^th March, I was meant to be competing in the Clumber Park Standard Distance Duathlon. The irony is that this was intended as a back up race in case Anglian Water, one month earlier in mid-Feb, got cancelled due to snow / ice / adverse winter weather conditions. I thought Clumber was the safer bet of the two. Although conditions at Anglian were far from tropical – 1-2 degree temps, ice on the ground and a thick fog to start the day – at least it wasn’t dangerous to the point at which it had to be called off, and at least I managed to achieve my A-goal of the season of qualifying for the world champs. Clumber was therefore going to be for “fun”, giving me another chance to perfect my race strategy over the standard distance, to race my time trial bike and see what difference that makes to my bike split, and to pit myself against Britain’s top duathletes in the National Championships that were to be incorporated into the race.

On Thursday we started to get warning of a ‘Beast from the East Mark #2’ heading our way. Had I been racing we would have travelled up to Nottinghamshire on the Thursday to make a weekend of it. The forecast looked grim and not my ideal racing conditions. I have also been lacking my mojo somewhat since Anglian; I think having ticked that qualification box and had such an unexpectedly great race there, Clumber was never going to get me fired up to the same level. My training ticked over in between, but when the ‘Beast from the East Mark #1’ hit two weeks ago, I was quite content to have a few kick-back days and not hit the watt bike sets as hard as I usually would. When I came in from work Wednesday evening and I couldn’t even be arsed to think about packing all my kit, this was a sure sign that I just wasn’t up for racing. If the forecast had been nice, I’d have gone, maybe raced it at 90% effort and just enjoyed the event and the weekend break away with my Mum, but the forecast looked grim for the entire weekend and I am a notorious wimp when it comes to feeling the cold. Decision made: no Clumber Park Duathlon for me this year. Then Friday came, weather warnings worsened to amber, and the race was officially cancelled anyway: phew, right decision not to travel.  

As my husband still intended to head to Morcombe for the weekend with his Dad to watch Exeter City play (he is a devout supporter), I am on my own for the weekend. I decided to visit my parents in Exmouth yesterday and do Exmouth parkrun. It all started off fine, zipping along at 6:40m/m pace, barely out of breath and with several gears left to work through if needed but knowing I was comfortably first lady. I was thinking how fit I felt at the moment and that 6:40m/m now feels like a comfortable jog…. then I felt that all too familiar feeling; my lower left calf starting to tighten and cramp up.

What do you call it when the logo on your running tights asks if you are all right directly over the spot where you have just torn the muscle? I want to say irony, and yet that seems woefully inadequate in this instance...

The first time I experienced this, during the Plymouth Hoe 10 race in 2013, I thought it was just cramp and I could run it off. I didn’t recognise it as a calf strain and proceeded to speed-limp through the remaining 7 miles of the race as I was representing Devon so felt the pressure to finish, tearing it completely in the process and being unable to even walk on it after. I then tore it again in June 2013, and again in February 2014. Since then, I have come close to tearing it a further 2 or 3 times, but I now recognise the signs and know that it is NOT something I can run through and that if I push on, it will go. There is gnarly scar tissue in there that just hasn’t healed properly and so it is a weak spot. If my calf is ok, then often my achillies will start to give me bother, and for the past 5 years the injuries have swapped back and forth between these two sites, never allowing me to run more than 20 miles a week or farther than 6 miles in one go in training. Over the past year, working with Nigel at Honiton Physio, I have done lots of strengthening exercises and my left leg has been the best it’s been in that 5 year period. However, I am acutely aware that I walk a tight rope with it every day. I don’t do speed work, I keep off the tarmac as much as possible, I do yoga and S + C work every week, I stretch it, foam roll it, get regular massage on it…. but it remains weedy and functionally useless. I struggle to believe that I will ever run a marathon again on it, and as that used to be my best distance, that is hard to accept. Indeed, I only took up triathlon because of it: if it would allow me to train properly, I would still just be a runner: cheaper, safer and gives me a buzz and feeling of satisfaction much higher than I get from swimming and biking. Last weekend I took part in a trail race at Castle Drogo and absolutely loved it: running along wooded trails aside a gushing river Teign, I felt that much-missed sense of freedom that comes with running unhindered through the countryside. You don’t get that on a bike as you are too busy watching out for hazards and crazy motorists all the time. Sure, I have achieved things in multisport that I could never have achieved in running alone: representing my country and winning a medal at the European Championships being top of that list… but I would give that up in a heartbeat to have the pre-2013, injury-free Ellie back….

When I look at the high mileage other runners bang out, week on week, month on month, some of them doing no strength work at all and yet never getting injured, it is very easy to feel aggrieved and hard done by. I just have to remember that I do not have a monopoly on injuries, and plenty of others go through similarly debilitating injury-recovery cycles. I get that injuries are par for the course… it’s just that most seem to get over them and come back stronger, and I never do. Each time it takes me longer to get back and I never regain the speed or strength I had previously. Meh, I am wallowing in a touch of the woe-is-me, which I generally do not like to do. But my husband is now stuck up North, I am snowed in the house yet a-bloody-gain and there is seemingly no end in sight to this long, cold, miserable winter.

Nothing for it but learn to embrace the rest. I know that I need to have a rest period now anyway as I have been training hard since last October without a break and, mentally as much as physically, I need to regroup and recharge. I am also about to embark on a rather involved and unpleasant medical procedure and have been advised not to exercise during this time, other than a bit of light swimming and jogging…. well, calf says no to that last one, so swimming it is: yay! Lucky me! My favourite...

It would be nice to be able to get out for some easy coffee rides with my buddies too. Jane and Moira have now both successfully qualified for the sprint event at the world champs and so we have all booked an Air B and B in Fyn, in Denmark, so it would be nice to continue our fortnightly visits to the velopark in Torbay to train together... these usually end with coffee and cake and a girlie natter in M&S afterwards! It would also be nice to reinstate our regular Friday gang coffee rides. Anne, Garry and I enjoyed a lovely, sunny ride to Powderham Castle this Friday gone and there was a distinct feel of spring in the air…. shame that the following day it literally snowed on our parade. 

Basically, I need to indulge in a bit of much needed ‘self-care’ over the coming weeks and reduce my stress levels. My coach Chris has signed me off for the next month so I do not have any demands other than to focus on rest and downtime. I plan to do all the non-sport related things I love to do but just don't have the time for when in full training, like visiting some of my good longstanding friends in Cornwall for a long-overdue catch up; indulging in lots of long baths with Epsom Salts and a good book; and doing some lovely walks and pub lunches with my husband... once this latest bout of snow has melted and he makes it back from Morcombe that is. Crucially, I need to accept that my body needs and deserves this rest time and that I should not feel guilty for indulging in it. Inevitably I will lose some fitness, but that can be regained and the process of getting fit again may well be more enjoyable than fighting to keep fit through tedious gym sessions and swimming. Thank goodness for my sponsor Patrick at PDW Sports Massage, as I am going to need all the help I can get over the coming weeks to get my calf sorted so I am able to pick up the running again relatively quickly upon my return to training.

But really, if spring could just put in an appearance, the temperatures could sneak into the double figures and this snow could piss off, then that would really help lift my mood.

Thanks as always to my coach, Chris, of Tri Coach Cornwall, who has proven himself this past week to be a rather good life-coach as well as tri coach in offering me some sage advice!

And to Patrick at PDW Sport for the on going massage programme: my left leg is really going to need your healing skills in the coming weeks!